40 days and 40 nights

On February 14th 2003, I had a doctor's appointment in the morning, and then back to work I went, where I happily worked as much as I could. That afternoon, I had given my boss and supervisor my last day and expected return date to work. I was going to take 6 months off. I had planned on leaving the 2nd week in April and return in the fall. As I sat there with my big belly, my swollen ankles and ring on a necklace cuz it no longer fit on my finger, going through charts, and calling in scripts and returning patient calls. The phone rang and the receptionist told me it was for me, it was my doctor. At 4 o'clock that friday afternoon, my life had changed.

My doctor had told me to go to the hospital, straight to the hospital. I argued with her and told her I had to go home and get a few things and then I would be there. I was crying when I left and told my supervisor that the doctor told me I was done with work. And that she would call later or fax orders for me to have emergency leave. As I drove from San Luis to Nipomo, I called Bethany, Dale and my mom, and crying more and more with every phone call I made. I got home put a few things together, and Dale was waiting when I got there, and had grabbed my blanket and pillow and was ready to take me back up to San Luis to Sierra Vista. It was a holiday weekend, and we didn't get back to the hospital till almost 7 o'clock. 45 minutes after my doctor left. As I waddled up the third floor, I was rudely greeted by a nurse who told me to get in bed. As I tried to ask questions, she just shut me down and started strapping me up to all the monitors and had a phlebotomis ready to take my blood. By the time 9 o'clock came around, I was in tears again. the nurse came in and told me I had a severe case of Pre-eclampsia and if I don't settle down and get my blood pressure down, then my unborn child would be in grave danger, and so would I. So with that, I cried myself to sleep and Dale slipped out the room, only to return first thing in the morning. When he walked in, he didn't have to ask me how my night was, it was written all over my face.... I told them that the BP monitor went off every 15 minutes! How was I suppose to sleep when you just start to drift off and then feel like a python is wrapping around my arm every 15 minutes and the phlebotomis came in to take my blood at 5:30 in the morning. For those of you that know me.... I am not a morning person. Later that morning before my nazi nurse left, I asked her how long I would have to stay in this little room with the view of Murray St.? She bluntly told me that until that baby comes out, and that I was scheduled to view the Nicu later that day and that I was set up for Monday... I would be just shy of 25 weeks. I told her "oh no I am not!" I told Dale to get my cell phone and I called my Pastor's wife and explained to her what had gone on for the past 24 hours, and that I needed some of that powerful prayer stuff she had. Remember, I had only been going to church a few monthes, wasn't baptized yet, didn't even have alot of friends at church yet. She came up that afternoon, and prayed with us, and prayed that God would keep the baby safe and harbored in my belly for as long as he could grow. On Sunday, they re-ran my bloodwork and my doctor came in with my results, she said, I had bought myself 3 more days. In 3 days, we will re-run the tests and check your numbers again. I kept Debbie, my pastor's wife in tune with everything the doctor told me, and talked t0 my mom everyday, and had a loving husband that visited everyday, and a bestfriend that introduced me to the game of sequence which became a daily competion, that and Gin Rummy. I was blessed to have visitors, Sarah who gave me the best foot rub I could ever remember, and co-workers that thru me a bday party, and a church family and my own family that I know was praying for me. By the third day I was there, I had had enough. I was broken out in hives, I was tired of shots, and I still didn't understand why I couldn't do this at home. But as my nazi nurse finally showed her soft side at 3 am one morning, she hugged me and told me, it's not fair, it's not fun, but it is necessary. She sat and talked with me for over an hour, and we became the best of friends. Leslee would come in and watch TV with me during the late hours when I was up. She would bring me things from the cafeteria, and when the nurses did a food run, she would always ask me if there was something I wanted. When Lesslee wasn't there, I pretty much kept to myself and stayed in my room, with a few sneak outs down to the cafeteria or outside to the courtyard. Once I got caught, they put a wheelchair in my room and told me I was not to be walking around the hospital. So Bethany would take me for "rides" around the hospital. Every 3 days they would come in and take my blood at 5:30 in the morning, and every three days, the doctor would tell me I am stable enough to keep waiting. This went on for 40 days and 40 nights. When fianlly, the doctor came into my room in mid March, sat on my bed and told me, "it's time". I begged for her to wait til friday so my mom could be there (she had just started her new job and couldn't take a lot of time off). And I also liked Friday because it was the first day of spring, and his birthday would be 3-21. It just all flet right. My doctor relanctantly agreed. No more steroid shots, no more blood work, but I had one last hurdle to face. I needed an amniocenticies to check to see if his lungs were mature, and with that came a new Ultrasound. Dr. Cedars is an awesome doctor and was so nice and calmed my nerves about this 18 inch long going into my stomach. I asked a lot of questions, and he told me I just had to trust him, and that I could watch everything on the monitor. Dale couldn't watch... a little too much for his stomach to handle. He pulled out a vial full of cloudy liquid and with a puzzled look on his face he said, I will have to send it to the lab to confirm anything. The results came back with his lungs underdeveloped. So what did this mean? Well, My kidneys were on the verge of complete shutdown, my blood pressure was dangerously high, so the doctor said she had no choice and that he would be on a respirator until he could breath on his own. On Thursday evening, the doctor gave me a cervix softner, and I am pretty sure she stripped my membranes. She told me not to expect anything but maybe a little discomfort. By 11 pm that evening, I was pacing in my little room and laid my head in Dale's lap, gabbing his jeans with my teeth. I was in a little more than a "little" discomfort, I was haveing contractions. The night nurse... not Leslee, never put me on the monitors, and gave me a pain med and a sedative which let me sleep for about 4 hours. Then I was up again, in more pain. I couldn't have sworn that child was digging his way out. My doctor came in at 6 am and immediately wooked me up to all the monitors and went "whoa... You are in full Labor, however I was only 2 cm and about 50 % afaced." She said it would be a few more hours, but told me to call my mom now, or she was going to miss it. My mom had her stuff in the car and tracked down my step dad and they were on their 5 hour trip down. For 40 days I had made fun of the screaming women and would yell from my room, take the drugs! Now I was the screaming woman.... begging for something to ease the pain. As Bethany will tell you I sounded like a wounded animal as she came down the hallway. They had moved me to the room next door, because it was bigger, and I was going to have my hubby, my mother in law, my mom, Mark was filming from over my shoulder, Bethany had a stright on view, the doctor and a NICU crew since they didn't think he would be breathing. I had 17 people in this room, and frankly I didn't care. I got my new room and sat down on the bed just to have for my water to break. That sent Dale into a frenzy into the hall. I was perfectly calm, I just felt bad since they just changed the bed a few hours earlier. Once I got settled, it was close to 11am and my epideral had arrived. I don't remember the epideral, probably because it made me feel so much better than the contrations I was having. They put me on pitocin to SLOW my contractions down, but as soon as that medicine hit my blood stream, the baby's heartrate dropped. So no more Pitocin. I was going to have to progress on my own. I could only feel one leg, so walking was outta the question, so they did some exercises in bed and I kept getting flipped. I brushed my hair, I put on my makeup, and by golly, I was ready to have this baby. My mom showed up around 3 pm and the doctor came in around 5:15 to check on me. My epideral had started to wear off, and the nurses had me pushing a couple times already. The doc was surprised to see that I was already to go, and told her poor son that he was gonna have to wait to get home.
The birthing process was nothing like I could ever imagine. I was having seizures throughout the whole process. I could hear what was going on around me, but I was unable to communicate. I understood the doctor's instructions and pushed and pushed. meanwhile, Ian's vitals were dropping and my blood pressure was in the stroke zone. I had about 30 people waiting outside my room praying and waiting for the miracle of this tiny little baby about to emerge. As I was laying there eyes rolled back, unable to speak, move, or communicate in anyway, I heard the doctor who was sitting down with my huband, while my mom held my one leg and a nurse Stacy held the other. The doctor said, I can't guarantee I can save either one of them. If I have to choose, who would you want me to save? Dale knowing my heart and desire to have a child knew I would say baby, but he also didn't think it would be fair to raise a baby without his mother. She said she's gong to try the forceps, but if that doesn't work, she was going to have to do an emergency c-section. Something about the word forceps made my brain go oh no you don't. So I took a deep breath, and without a contractions, I pushed this little person with a big head out. the cord was wrapped around his neck and because I wasn't having a contraction, I was only about 8 cm dialated, and his big head caused some major bleeding. the room fell silent as all focus went on to this little purple kid covered in white goo. The soc hand him over to the NICU nurses, so she could stitch me up and hopefully contol the bleeding. I was immediately put on a magnesium drip to reverse any damage that the seizures could have caused, and to drop my BP to a normal level. As I lay there half comatose, I still didn't hear the cry on my baby. Then a little sound came out of his tiny lungs, not a cry, but a sound that meant to say,"i am OK" They intially gave him a little oxygen, and cleaned him up. I got a quick kiss )thank you Bethany), and then they took him away. That was the last thing I remember until the next afternoon. The next afternoon, my mom helped me take a shower and then I was wheeled up to see my tiny little man. I cried when I saw him, tears of pain, joy, and just being completely overwhelmed and completely hormonal. I was blessed to see that my baby was the biggest baby in the Nicu, weighing in at 4 pounds 5 ounces. He had a heart monitor on him and a feeding tube.... no oxygen. I asked the nurse how his lungs were and she said that they were perfectly healthy, and didn't need any assistance... PTL! So I wasn't allowed to drive, so I stayed the 12 days at the hospital, spending everywaking moment with my baby. He had no sucking reflex, so he has been encouraged to try and use a binkie, a bottle and a boob (mine of course.) I nursed and pumped day in and day out. After one week in the NICU and a couple days under the Jaundice lights with his cool specs, he was put in the step down until. There I took over mommy job. There was more room, and I had a rocking chair. I had brought him in a couple onesies, and was feeding, changing, and rocking him to sleep. Then I would go to my room and pump so the nurses had something to feed him in the evenings after Dale came and got me. Around day 10 he started pulling out his feeding tube. So we left it out for a couple weeks and that day he took his first bottle, his first boob and his first pacifier. the nurse told me that if he can keep up the feedings for 24 hours, he could go home. Sure enough, April 1st, The whole family stayed in the hopsital in a special room set up for us, and spent our first night together. And April 2nd, we took our baby home.
When I walked in the house, I walked back to the baby's room, and much to my surprise, it was finished. My best friends had finished the room, and just how I would have done it! I cried all over again. I felt so surreal. We had our tiny baby boy who weighed exactly 5 pounds, and our kitties, a new puppy.
I went in the doctor's office at 4 weeks postnatal. She told me that she would never do that again, that I was the closest thing to a mortality that she had ever had. She strongly advised me not to have any more children. I shrugged it off, knowing that things change, and I knew we weren't even going to be thinking about having more kids for another year or so. but I did want to give Ian Robert a sibling.
At my 3 month checkup, my doctor didn't have good news. My kidneys took a beating during the course of my pregnancy. I was going to be put on Prednisone again, and see if that gave my kidneys a jumpstart. after 18 months, nothing. No increase or decrease in my numbers. So then I had to have a renal scan, no biggie, and then came a renal biopsy. The nurse told me I could go back to work the next day. Luckily I decided to err on the safe side and told them I would be back on Monday, giving me a good 4 days to recoup. Boy did I need those four days, plus some. It took me a good 2 weeks before I could get around without pain meds. The doctor who performed the renal biopsy said I was the most difficult biopsy that he had ever done. He had to go into the space between my two of my ribs. Then I tried to pee in a bed pan.... failure!
So as Ian was progressing through his milestones in his first year, mom was going through test after test to determine the type of kidney disease I had and if it was repairable, or even fixable... nope. I have what's called Glommerative Sclerosis. At this point my doctors told me going back to work was not an option. Which simply means my kidnys are dying off slowly. I also have a tumor on my adrenal glad, but it would be more hassle to pull it out than to leave it in there. It grows every year, so eventually I will need to get that removed, but with that I will probably need to get a transplant. no one is a match or donor material in my family, but there is a place in Maryland, that usues your one stem cells to make your organs, so we will look into that when the time comes.
Ian was determined to be 6 weeks early, and the pediatrician gave us the lecture about how he is going to be slightly delayed for a few years. By 4 months, Ian had started cutting teeth. He hated babyfood, and started getting picky about what he ate. By 6 months he was eating the same thing that Dale and I had, I just used my handy chopper to make it small enough for him to eat. By 10 months he has pulling hiself up, and by 11 months, he was walking. At 1 year of age, he still only weighed 16 pounds, so still pretty easy to tote around in the snuggly. We learned the hard way that he was allergic to dairy, tried to switch him to soy, that made him sick. He would not drink rice milk or almond Milk... So we tried Lactose free milk. Whole milk still caused him problems, but it seemed the fat free he could do. So now, that's all our family drinks.
By the time he was 2 years of age, we were amazed at how brilliant our son was. He would stck things up in oder of size and color, and had no problems with the shape sorters, and started showing interest in the potty. He had his own toddler bed because he figured out how to climb out of his crib. I had spent an entire afternoon screwing childproof stuff on all the cabinets... it took him less than 30 seconds to figure out how they worked. We also noticed he had quite the vocabulary. But we never babytalked to him, so we just figured he learned to talk from listening to us. He would rock himself to sleep with his blanket, and had a funny gait, which prevented him from running. I knew my something was different about my child, but I wasn't ready to hear that my son had a form of Autism. But he fit all the criteria except his ableness to speak (although a lot of it is scripted from movies) and the fact that he loved to be held and cuddled.
I knew from that point forward our lives would change.... however I never knew how they would change, and I wouldn't do it any different.