I can't believe it's almost the middle of the month, and things are moving so fast. All the details will come later, but I feel like I am stuck in a tornado and can't get out. My foot is not yet healed. I had to pass on physical therapy because of the cost. My medical bills have drained us both emotionally and physically, and we haven't even gotten the bills for my foot accident and brain surgery is in two weeks..... hope they take payments, because I would hate for them to reposess my brain, not that it would matter much. I think I am going to miss the Havest games with Ian this year which I am totally bummed about, but sacrifices have to come somewhere. I am sure he will have fun with Auntie or nana or Daddy, whomever has him. We are gonna have a swap meet and do a little declutter, although I don't thnk it will be done before surgery, but all the proceeds will go towards are medical bills.
I am on the craziest diet, apparently my body doesn't like food, or doesn't like digesting it. I am allergic or sensitive to... are you ready, I will just give you the catagories not the whole list...Gluten (wheat), Soy, Dairy, Shellfish, pork, and sugar ( I have a extreme amount of yeast in my system, hence the ugly toenails that never see the light of day.) and lettuce... yes, lettuce. So here I thought I was a healthy eater, but I was really not for my spcific needs. And I have chicken, turkey, eggs, yogurt, a couple fruits, a few veggies, but to keep my kidney disease in check, I need to keep my proteins down. OH, and I can't have tap water... but ours is so uber filtered and well water that it doen't have all the chemicals in it, so I think I am safe there.
So I am starting to get a little worried about surgery. the first one is a trial to see if I am even I candidate for a shunt, and then if that proves the theory correctly then I have major surgery to put in a shunt that will empty out into my belly (one more thing for me to figure out how to digest)
I have already been scoped down my esophagus and they said it looked healthy, but that I may have a prolasped valve causing me not to be able to keep anything down (this is nothing new, this has been going on since I was a teen). So I take a little pill to relax the mucsles, but now they think it's relaxing my colonic muscles as well.... I told the doc can we just work on one end at a time? I need a small hole patched in my nasal cavity from having my nose broken twice in the same spot, it chipped a piece of bone out and so now if I get a sinus infection I have a larger risk of another ear infection and the inner and outter ear are both scarred from multiple infections. I hope this simple procedure is covered my insurance! Maybe I will ask McSteamy to do it!
October 20th is our new meeting for Ian. They will be dicussing moving him in to the first grade class. I pray the Lord for guidance on this one, because as a mother I want to see him move up, but I have to trust in the school system to let me know if he is ready.
The year is almost up. A poor christmas for us this year, but as long as we are all safe,warm, and healthy, who could want anything more at this point!
a song that means something to me right now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NG2zyeVRcbs
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Friday, October 2, 2009
well, Sept ALMOST escaped me
So.... I thought that we would make it through September without any incidents. But, nope.... Sept 29th I was walking up one of the stairs from our sunken livingroom into our dining room and was heading toward the kitchen, because I was baking goodies for the church open house. As I was goin up the step, I just stepped with my toes and the pad of my foot, and I heard a pop and down I went. Thank goodness it was on the carpet. But I layed there crying and screaming uncontrolably, and so Dale wasn't taking any chances and called the ambulance. Didi came down and took care of Ian, while I sat and sat and sat, waiting for xrays. When we got there, there was only one other kid ahead of us and he had all of his tests and was waiting to be discharged. When I finally got back to xray the radiologist admitted they forgot about me. I said that is the last time that will happen. I have such bad experiences with AG Hospital. Yet I have heard others say it has gotten so much better. So the diagnosis is that I tore the mucsle and the ligament holding my ankle bone together. On top of my piggies looking like wittle saugages, my ankle is all jacked up and looks like it's gonna take some time to heal. I am thinking God has a plan and it must be for me to lay back and take in his word a little. Bethany had an excellent idea and that was to watch the whole beth moore series while I laid up. I think I will save that for when my mom is here to help me out. She would really enjoy that too. So I will be laid up for the next 3-5 weeks depending on how my body depends to heal. We are going to Long Beach the 23rd and 24th for a friends wedding, can't forget my camera... those candid pics are the best! and then I am trying to get my first of two brain surgeries and I hope to be home by the 30th unless they plan on doing the shunt right after the first surgery. Only Dr. Bob Shafa can tell us that, and I pray that God is leading him in His direction
So please be patient with me, with my family. If you see new faces at our house, it's because Didi has hired someone to help us out. So Dale doesn't have such a chore to take on when he gets home. Ian is acting out a bit and is testing anyone he can. This was his first week he didn't get his donut.... so mommy didn't get holes either.... oh well, not supposed to have them. Oh, that brings up a whole other issue....
My new PCP did a food sensitivity/allergy test on me and my diest has been severely restricted for at least 6 months.
NO dairy (casein)
No Soy
No Wheat
No Sugars
No Shellfish (I don't like seafood)
No Caffeine (unless I am plagued by a headache)
No artificial sweetners/ msg/stevia
I think you get the point. So don't get offfended if I don't eat something you offer me, I am really trying to clean out my gut... although I do break the rules sometimes!
We are lookng forward to brain surgery this month. It's been over 3 months since all this started. I won't get my vision back, but hopefully I won't lose anymore. I may still get headaches, especially with weather change or climate change, but my everyday lifestyle should improve.... no it WILL improve! I have so much faith in God. Yes we will be broke for years to come, but God will prevail. God will provide. Any extra prayers are welcome. any extra goodies won't be turned away. Dale can't have nuts and Ian can't have Dairy. And don't wory about me.. I am just too hard to cook for. I will take your prayers and hold them close to my heart. What I really would like is for someone to come and paint my toenails... don't ask me why, but I always like to have pretty toes when I go into the hospital. Thank you everyone for eveything. God Bless you. and Much love to you all.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Things are Progressing
Well it's been a quick month. It seems to be flying by without any major snafu's. Dale and I celebrated our 11th year of marriage on the 12th with dinner at a golf golf and resturant called Mc.Phees. During Dinner there was benefit tournament going on. The benifit happened to be one that Dale and I had used with Ian. It's called Jack's Helping Hands and it is stocked with special needs toys and modules like a library system. They would work out of the gym that we would go to, and out of the Autism Spectrum Disorder building in San Luis. So We were more than happy to donate a little more. After Dinner, we went and saw "all about Steve" with Sandra Bullock" Cute movie, but at $10.50 a ticket, I would reccomend renting it. I fell in love with the T Shirt that she is wearing throughout the entire movie! Then we came home and we all went to sleep.
Earlier in the week, I had been in the ER for yet another excruitiating headache. This headache had some neurological effects, but they had a trauma coming in, so I was given my usual cocktail of meds and sent home. I wasn't too concerned since i had an appointment with a neurosurgeon at UCLA in less than a week. So after talking to Doctor Bob Shafa at UCLA, he is ready to get me started on treatments. So he and my new PCP spoke and decided to do an MRV on the 25th and they are checking for a blood clot in my main vein in my brain. When that comes back negative, then I will be going to UCLA for a special test. They will drill a small hole in my head and put a probe in my head to directly measure the fluid in my grain. If the fluid is consistently over 20 than the doctor will proceed with a shunt. Doesn't all that sound fun? So we need to raise some $$ to pay for some outstanding medical bills. both from me and from Ian. Ian goes back to the children's hospital to review his growth on his neck. If it has grown, they will want to remove it. So it looks like October is going to be busy month this year. Next week, We have a ,Team meeting for Ian's adult school reguarding moving him up to gist grafe.
I am falling asleep as I type, so I will close this up for now.
Please keep the prayers, good thoughts and positive outlooks. I thank you fou from the bottom of my overworked but still spry heart. I love each and evey one of you.
Traci
Earlier in the week, I had been in the ER for yet another excruitiating headache. This headache had some neurological effects, but they had a trauma coming in, so I was given my usual cocktail of meds and sent home. I wasn't too concerned since i had an appointment with a neurosurgeon at UCLA in less than a week. So after talking to Doctor Bob Shafa at UCLA, he is ready to get me started on treatments. So he and my new PCP spoke and decided to do an MRV on the 25th and they are checking for a blood clot in my main vein in my brain. When that comes back negative, then I will be going to UCLA for a special test. They will drill a small hole in my head and put a probe in my head to directly measure the fluid in my grain. If the fluid is consistently over 20 than the doctor will proceed with a shunt. Doesn't all that sound fun? So we need to raise some $$ to pay for some outstanding medical bills. both from me and from Ian. Ian goes back to the children's hospital to review his growth on his neck. If it has grown, they will want to remove it. So it looks like October is going to be busy month this year. Next week, We have a ,Team meeting for Ian's adult school reguarding moving him up to gist grafe.
I am falling asleep as I type, so I will close this up for now.
Please keep the prayers, good thoughts and positive outlooks. I thank you fou from the bottom of my overworked but still spry heart. I love each and evey one of you.
Traci
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Septemeber 2009
So as you have read, or know of me, September has usually been a pretty crummy month, something awful always happens in September. This year is proving itself no different. We are only two days into the month, strike that three days, and I already want to hibernate til it's over. Because some things are so current and fresh, and still transpiring, I won't go into detail. But, my brother is struggling with finding the right path, and living on the straight and narrow and taking responsibilites for his actions. My mom is struggling in her marriage. Neither want to give, yet both want to see miracles happen. I stand on the sidelines and give her my listening ear and any words of Godly wisdom I may have. I can't make any decisions for her, but I will support her in whatever she decides to do. I got a call today from one of my close friends (she was supposed to take me to UCLA next week). It seems as though, the tables have turned and I will be taking her to the nuerologist (we have the same one), in SLO because she had a seizure yesterday and they took her license until further tests are done. Yeah... right before a 3 day weekend! My other best friend had a death on her husbands side of the family and I will attest to the fact that they have seen too much death in the last 24 months! No doubt about that!
Now for me. I know that God woke me up this morning at a quarter to two for a reason. what exactly that reason was I am unsure, but I took a few minutes to check on my boys and a few minutes to pray, and I swear God say blog. Seriously, Does God know the word "blog"? I guess he does since he created us and knows us all before we know ourselves. But you know, I really wish God would let me in on some of those secrets once in awhile.For example:
Monday, I got home from taking Jon back home and went to my chiropractic aptt. I had a bruised rib from an US of my kidneys the week before and I had popped a rib out, so I was sore. Dr. Pull was very gentle and actually worked more on my left side to see if he could help the headaches, the dizziness, the blurry vision, the buzzing in the ears, the soreness, and my overall well being (he puts a high standard on himself).
Not more than an hour after I got home, I was in bed and in pain. all the adrenaline from the following week was gone, I was able to take a breath (not a deep one not with a bruised rib). And I continued to feel crummy all night Monday and going into Tuesday. Tuesday I was able to get Ian to school and then I came home and fell back into bed. I slept another 3 hours before going to pick up the kid from school. Then when he came home, it was just me and him, no therapy that day and he really wanted to watch a movie, and I was not feeling up to par, so I said no problem. I did manage to do some laundry and vaccuum the capets, but that took everything out of me. That night we had a church finacial class to go to. At this point my fingers were swollen like little sausages, My left leg was cramping up and my right hand was not functional and my equilibrium was off, and I just didn't feel right. But this is how my Lupus can start, so I didn't think anything of it. I woke up Wednesday morning, feeling even worse, my speech was delayed, my left leg was like a wooden crooked stump, and my right hand still wasn't functional by any means, I couldn't grip anything, it was painful, and I just avoided using it at all costs. I also was experiencing some deep chest pain overnight and into wednesday, and lost the feeling in the figertips and toes. And my speech was still delayed. Some letters I stuttered, some words were lost, others were coming out wrong ( all things that happened when I had Inter cranial hypertension headache attacks. But my head wasn't full blown out of control painful. I would be lying if I said I didn't have a headache, but it was mangeable, no meds needed to control it.
So I decided not to go to the ER knowing that they were going to either dimisss it as I was off my rocker or run a bunch of tests that we don't have the money for, and probably wouldn't show anything anyway. I had an appointment scheduled to see my new doctor, and I went to that lenghthy appt. He thinks that because my blood has clotting issues (which I had known of, pretty common with Lupus), that my blood isn't going to my cappilaries, therefore I am getting the neropathy in my fingers and toes and my brain is malfunctioning, almost as it would as if I had a small stroke. So he ordered a bunch of tests to be done. I have to pee, poop,spit and bleed and then send it all off to the lab. I just about had a small stroke when I had to write a check for $1200 for my appointment! Holy crap! I sure hope this guy can figure me out and get me on the path to a healthy recovery.
So I don't want to alarm my mom and my friends. I don't want to be the "sick" one again. But this is kinda hard to hide. I have a leg that won't work and a hand that won't work, and my speech is rediculous, so I try to give short answers or use my computer or phone to "talk" to friends, kind of my cop out.
I don't want a pity party, and I don't want people to feel sorry for me, I don't even want help (unless I ask for it), call me stubborn that way, but I feel like I lose my independence, my dignity when I am constantly asking for help. At the same time, I do need prayer. I need guidance, and wisdom from the Lord. I need his strength and endurance. And I need not to forget my boys. My husband takes on the burden of taking care of not only himself , but me and Ian, after he has put in 9 or so hours at work. And For Ian for his strenth and wisdom. He has to see his mommy "sick" and I know what that is like, and it's no fun. And he is making leaps and bounds at school and they are already talking 1st grade... yea... so if I can keep him on the right path and keep his seizures under control, and keep him body calm, then my baby might be a first grader before the year is up! I pray that God shows me the right decsion in that as well. I don't want to overwork Ian, because he will stop trying if he's overwhelmed, but right now, he's bored and is basically a helper in his Kinder class.
God give me the grace and mercy you show to others and allow me to have compassion on those who need it and pray for the sick and unhealthy ones, not just in me or around me, but for all those who believe in you and believe that you are the ultimate healer and that you gave the blind the ability to see and the lame the ability to walk and talk. Lord you have shown me you can perform miracles. I have plenty of testimony to that. But I ask in the Name of Jesus that you put your hands on everyone I know that is struggling, either emotionally, finacially, or physically. In your Name Jeasus, I praise your name. Amen.
Now for me. I know that God woke me up this morning at a quarter to two for a reason. what exactly that reason was I am unsure, but I took a few minutes to check on my boys and a few minutes to pray, and I swear God say blog. Seriously, Does God know the word "blog"? I guess he does since he created us and knows us all before we know ourselves. But you know, I really wish God would let me in on some of those secrets once in awhile.For example:
Monday, I got home from taking Jon back home and went to my chiropractic aptt. I had a bruised rib from an US of my kidneys the week before and I had popped a rib out, so I was sore. Dr. Pull was very gentle and actually worked more on my left side to see if he could help the headaches, the dizziness, the blurry vision, the buzzing in the ears, the soreness, and my overall well being (he puts a high standard on himself).
Not more than an hour after I got home, I was in bed and in pain. all the adrenaline from the following week was gone, I was able to take a breath (not a deep one not with a bruised rib). And I continued to feel crummy all night Monday and going into Tuesday. Tuesday I was able to get Ian to school and then I came home and fell back into bed. I slept another 3 hours before going to pick up the kid from school. Then when he came home, it was just me and him, no therapy that day and he really wanted to watch a movie, and I was not feeling up to par, so I said no problem. I did manage to do some laundry and vaccuum the capets, but that took everything out of me. That night we had a church finacial class to go to. At this point my fingers were swollen like little sausages, My left leg was cramping up and my right hand was not functional and my equilibrium was off, and I just didn't feel right. But this is how my Lupus can start, so I didn't think anything of it. I woke up Wednesday morning, feeling even worse, my speech was delayed, my left leg was like a wooden crooked stump, and my right hand still wasn't functional by any means, I couldn't grip anything, it was painful, and I just avoided using it at all costs. I also was experiencing some deep chest pain overnight and into wednesday, and lost the feeling in the figertips and toes. And my speech was still delayed. Some letters I stuttered, some words were lost, others were coming out wrong ( all things that happened when I had Inter cranial hypertension headache attacks. But my head wasn't full blown out of control painful. I would be lying if I said I didn't have a headache, but it was mangeable, no meds needed to control it.
So I decided not to go to the ER knowing that they were going to either dimisss it as I was off my rocker or run a bunch of tests that we don't have the money for, and probably wouldn't show anything anyway. I had an appointment scheduled to see my new doctor, and I went to that lenghthy appt. He thinks that because my blood has clotting issues (which I had known of, pretty common with Lupus), that my blood isn't going to my cappilaries, therefore I am getting the neropathy in my fingers and toes and my brain is malfunctioning, almost as it would as if I had a small stroke. So he ordered a bunch of tests to be done. I have to pee, poop,spit and bleed and then send it all off to the lab. I just about had a small stroke when I had to write a check for $1200 for my appointment! Holy crap! I sure hope this guy can figure me out and get me on the path to a healthy recovery.
So I don't want to alarm my mom and my friends. I don't want to be the "sick" one again. But this is kinda hard to hide. I have a leg that won't work and a hand that won't work, and my speech is rediculous, so I try to give short answers or use my computer or phone to "talk" to friends, kind of my cop out.
I don't want a pity party, and I don't want people to feel sorry for me, I don't even want help (unless I ask for it), call me stubborn that way, but I feel like I lose my independence, my dignity when I am constantly asking for help. At the same time, I do need prayer. I need guidance, and wisdom from the Lord. I need his strength and endurance. And I need not to forget my boys. My husband takes on the burden of taking care of not only himself , but me and Ian, after he has put in 9 or so hours at work. And For Ian for his strenth and wisdom. He has to see his mommy "sick" and I know what that is like, and it's no fun. And he is making leaps and bounds at school and they are already talking 1st grade... yea... so if I can keep him on the right path and keep his seizures under control, and keep him body calm, then my baby might be a first grader before the year is up! I pray that God shows me the right decsion in that as well. I don't want to overwork Ian, because he will stop trying if he's overwhelmed, but right now, he's bored and is basically a helper in his Kinder class.
God give me the grace and mercy you show to others and allow me to have compassion on those who need it and pray for the sick and unhealthy ones, not just in me or around me, but for all those who believe in you and believe that you are the ultimate healer and that you gave the blind the ability to see and the lame the ability to walk and talk. Lord you have shown me you can perform miracles. I have plenty of testimony to that. But I ask in the Name of Jesus that you put your hands on everyone I know that is struggling, either emotionally, finacially, or physically. In your Name Jeasus, I praise your name. Amen.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
September
It is nearing the end of August. Ian is back in school, repeating Kindergarten, but on the fast track to the first grade. He has made so many advances over the summer that the teachers are amazed by his progress. We are so happy and proud of him. He actually got up and taught his group the other day because the teacher made a mistake and he corrected her and so she asked if he would like to teach the class about shapes, Ian jumped on the opportunity to show off his wits. He is reading books like crazy and is loving math. He adds and subtracts in his head, this kid amazes me! He is eager to learn everything he can and in every language. Now, if we can just get his hand friends (stemming) under control and keep him awake long enough to do a full day of class. So far no seizures since his medicine increase, and he even has a fancy for a new girl in his class, Pamela.... kissed her on the second day of school! what a ladies man.
So back to September. September has never been a good month for us. We did get married in September, but from that point on it seemed that month was doomed. So much so that we don't celebrate our aniversary in September, we usually wait til may or June. Crazy I know. When we rededicate our vows, we are definitely not doing it in September. Dale and I were married September 12th 1998. The following year I was diagnosed with Lupus when I woke up one morning unable to move. The next year was the 9/11 attacks. The year after that my beloved grandfather passed away from Leukemia, and he was an amazing man. He had so many amazing stories and I still talk to him and ask him what to do with Ian. Him and Ian would be best of buds, both love fast cars and airplanes and the beach. At least I know My grandfather sits next to our Father and watches over us. And it's just one thing after another that happens in september. Maybe it's the enemy, maybe it's dumb luck, but I always get a little stressed when september rolls around. This year, September starts out with my father having surgery for cancer, my brother making some irrational decisions, my mom trying to pass a huge kidney stone, and lab work up the kazoo for me and a bone density test, and hopefully a trip to UCLA if they call back tomarrow. I missed the call on Friday and had to leave another message. So now it's a game of phone tag. I also go and see a new doctor with hopefully new perspective on September 2nd. So we are going to take one day at a time and thank the Lord for every new day He brings, and if we hit a few bumps along the way, we will put our faith in God and grit our teeth and bear it and pray a lot. But we also have some exciting things happening this next month. A friends pre-wedding party (hoping I still get to make the cake). And hopefully some positive changes. So hold on world, here comes September.
So back to September. September has never been a good month for us. We did get married in September, but from that point on it seemed that month was doomed. So much so that we don't celebrate our aniversary in September, we usually wait til may or June. Crazy I know. When we rededicate our vows, we are definitely not doing it in September. Dale and I were married September 12th 1998. The following year I was diagnosed with Lupus when I woke up one morning unable to move. The next year was the 9/11 attacks. The year after that my beloved grandfather passed away from Leukemia, and he was an amazing man. He had so many amazing stories and I still talk to him and ask him what to do with Ian. Him and Ian would be best of buds, both love fast cars and airplanes and the beach. At least I know My grandfather sits next to our Father and watches over us. And it's just one thing after another that happens in september. Maybe it's the enemy, maybe it's dumb luck, but I always get a little stressed when september rolls around. This year, September starts out with my father having surgery for cancer, my brother making some irrational decisions, my mom trying to pass a huge kidney stone, and lab work up the kazoo for me and a bone density test, and hopefully a trip to UCLA if they call back tomarrow. I missed the call on Friday and had to leave another message. So now it's a game of phone tag. I also go and see a new doctor with hopefully new perspective on September 2nd. So we are going to take one day at a time and thank the Lord for every new day He brings, and if we hit a few bumps along the way, we will put our faith in God and grit our teeth and bear it and pray a lot. But we also have some exciting things happening this next month. A friends pre-wedding party (hoping I still get to make the cake). And hopefully some positive changes. So hold on world, here comes September.
Friday, August 14, 2009
here's a recent quickie.... I called downed to UCLA today, and the person who is handling my case had today off, so I left her a very nice detailed voicemail., I wished her a happ day off, and let her knoe I would be waiting fr her call. If I don't hear by Wednesday, My message with get a little shorter and a little more stern.
As I lay here in front of r=the TV, falling asleep eveu few minutes, watching our local start Zac Efron in 17 Again. He has really groen up.
I am a little under the influence of narcotics, so I think I will keep this short and sweet. Zac has come along way since being a little high school kid. It's kinda nice to see him make something of himself, and he is such a good kid I mean 21. I didn't see any of the high school musical ones.
Well, I am gonna put my tired bones to bed. I took quite the fall playin bowling with all my girly friends last night... I didn't realize how much of a contact sport is was... contact with the floor at least. Towards my last few frames I was dong actually pretty good, but my feet slipped out from under neath me with my left leg going back, my right kneed slamming down on the floor along with my tailbone and my left hand, jamming my wrist. So with my usual cocktail of meds, I popped a couple of a percocet. so off to bed I go
As I lay here in front of r=the TV, falling asleep eveu few minutes, watching our local start Zac Efron in 17 Again. He has really groen up.
I am a little under the influence of narcotics, so I think I will keep this short and sweet. Zac has come along way since being a little high school kid. It's kinda nice to see him make something of himself, and he is such a good kid I mean 21. I didn't see any of the high school musical ones.
Well, I am gonna put my tired bones to bed. I took quite the fall playin bowling with all my girly friends last night... I didn't realize how much of a contact sport is was... contact with the floor at least. Towards my last few frames I was dong actually pretty good, but my feet slipped out from under neath me with my left leg going back, my right kneed slamming down on the floor along with my tailbone and my left hand, jamming my wrist. So with my usual cocktail of meds, I popped a couple of a percocet. so off to bed I go
Friday, July 17, 2009
40 days and 40 nights
On February 14th 2003, I had a doctor's appointment in the morning, and then back to work I went, where I happily worked as much as I could. That afternoon, I had given my boss and supervisor my last day and expected return date to work. I was going to take 6 months off. I had planned on leaving the 2nd week in April and return in the fall. As I sat there with my big belly, my swollen ankles and ring on a necklace cuz it no longer fit on my finger, going through charts, and calling in scripts and returning patient calls. The phone rang and the receptionist told me it was for me, it was my doctor. At 4 o'clock that friday afternoon, my life had changed.
My doctor had told me to go to the hospital, straight to the hospital. I argued with her and told her I had to go home and get a few things and then I would be there. I was crying when I left and told my supervisor that the doctor told me I was done with work. And that she would call later or fax orders for me to have emergency leave. As I drove from San Luis to Nipomo, I called Bethany, Dale and my mom, and crying more and more with every phone call I made. I got home put a few things together, and Dale was waiting when I got there, and had grabbed my blanket and pillow and was ready to take me back up to San Luis to Sierra Vista. It was a holiday weekend, and we didn't get back to the hospital till almost 7 o'clock. 45 minutes after my doctor left. As I waddled up the third floor, I was rudely greeted by a nurse who told me to get in bed. As I tried to ask questions, she just shut me down and started strapping me up to all the monitors and had a phlebotomis ready to take my blood. By the time 9 o'clock came around, I was in tears again. the nurse came in and told me I had a severe case of Pre-eclampsia and if I don't settle down and get my blood pressure down, then my unborn child would be in grave danger, and so would I. So with that, I cried myself to sleep and Dale slipped out the room, only to return first thing in the morning. When he walked in, he didn't have to ask me how my night was, it was written all over my face.... I told them that the BP monitor went off every 15 minutes! How was I suppose to sleep when you just start to drift off and then feel like a python is wrapping around my arm every 15 minutes and the phlebotomis came in to take my blood at 5:30 in the morning. For those of you that know me.... I am not a morning person. Later that morning before my nazi nurse left, I asked her how long I would have to stay in this little room with the view of Murray St.? She bluntly told me that until that baby comes out, and that I was scheduled to view the Nicu later that day and that I was set up for Monday... I would be just shy of 25 weeks. I told her "oh no I am not!" I told Dale to get my cell phone and I called my Pastor's wife and explained to her what had gone on for the past 24 hours, and that I needed some of that powerful prayer stuff she had. Remember, I had only been going to church a few monthes, wasn't baptized yet, didn't even have alot of friends at church yet. She came up that afternoon, and prayed with us, and prayed that God would keep the baby safe and harbored in my belly for as long as he could grow. On Sunday, they re-ran my bloodwork and my doctor came in with my results, she said, I had bought myself 3 more days. In 3 days, we will re-run the tests and check your numbers again. I kept Debbie, my pastor's wife in tune with everything the doctor told me, and talked t0 my mom everyday, and had a loving husband that visited everyday, and a bestfriend that introduced me to the game of sequence which became a daily competion, that and Gin Rummy. I was blessed to have visitors, Sarah who gave me the best foot rub I could ever remember, and co-workers that thru me a bday party, and a church family and my own family that I know was praying for me. By the third day I was there, I had had enough. I was broken out in hives, I was tired of shots, and I still didn't understand why I couldn't do this at home. But as my nazi nurse finally showed her soft side at 3 am one morning, she hugged me and told me, it's not fair, it's not fun, but it is necessary. She sat and talked with me for over an hour, and we became the best of friends. Leslee would come in and watch TV with me during the late hours when I was up. She would bring me things from the cafeteria, and when the nurses did a food run, she would always ask me if there was something I wanted. When Lesslee wasn't there, I pretty much kept to myself and stayed in my room, with a few sneak outs down to the cafeteria or outside to the courtyard. Once I got caught, they put a wheelchair in my room and told me I was not to be walking around the hospital. So Bethany would take me for "rides" around the hospital. Every 3 days they would come in and take my blood at 5:30 in the morning, and every three days, the doctor would tell me I am stable enough to keep waiting. This went on for 40 days and 40 nights. When fianlly, the doctor came into my room in mid March, sat on my bed and told me, "it's time". I begged for her to wait til friday so my mom could be there (she had just started her new job and couldn't take a lot of time off). And I also liked Friday because it was the first day of spring, and his birthday would be 3-21. It just all flet right. My doctor relanctantly agreed. No more steroid shots, no more blood work, but I had one last hurdle to face. I needed an amniocenticies to check to see if his lungs were mature, and with that came a new Ultrasound. Dr. Cedars is an awesome doctor and was so nice and calmed my nerves about this 18 inch long going into my stomach. I asked a lot of questions, and he told me I just had to trust him, and that I could watch everything on the monitor. Dale couldn't watch... a little too much for his stomach to handle. He pulled out a vial full of cloudy liquid and with a puzzled look on his face he said, I will have to send it to the lab to confirm anything. The results came back with his lungs underdeveloped. So what did this mean? Well, My kidneys were on the verge of complete shutdown, my blood pressure was dangerously high, so the doctor said she had no choice and that he would be on a respirator until he could breath on his own. On Thursday evening, the doctor gave me a cervix softner, and I am pretty sure she stripped my membranes. She told me not to expect anything but maybe a little discomfort. By 11 pm that evening, I was pacing in my little room and laid my head in Dale's lap, gabbing his jeans with my teeth. I was in a little more than a "little" discomfort, I was haveing contractions. The night nurse... not Leslee, never put me on the monitors, and gave me a pain med and a sedative which let me sleep for about 4 hours. Then I was up again, in more pain. I couldn't have sworn that child was digging his way out. My doctor came in at 6 am and immediately wooked me up to all the monitors and went "whoa... You are in full Labor, however I was only 2 cm and about 50 % afaced." She said it would be a few more hours, but told me to call my mom now, or she was going to miss it. My mom had her stuff in the car and tracked down my step dad and they were on their 5 hour trip down. For 40 days I had made fun of the screaming women and would yell from my room, take the drugs! Now I was the screaming woman.... begging for something to ease the pain. As Bethany will tell you I sounded like a wounded animal as she came down the hallway. They had moved me to the room next door, because it was bigger, and I was going to have my hubby, my mother in law, my mom, Mark was filming from over my shoulder, Bethany had a stright on view, the doctor and a NICU crew since they didn't think he would be breathing. I had 17 people in this room, and frankly I didn't care. I got my new room and sat down on the bed just to have for my water to break. That sent Dale into a frenzy into the hall. I was perfectly calm, I just felt bad since they just changed the bed a few hours earlier. Once I got settled, it was close to 11am and my epideral had arrived. I don't remember the epideral, probably because it made me feel so much better than the contrations I was having. They put me on pitocin to SLOW my contractions down, but as soon as that medicine hit my blood stream, the baby's heartrate dropped. So no more Pitocin. I was going to have to progress on my own. I could only feel one leg, so walking was outta the question, so they did some exercises in bed and I kept getting flipped. I brushed my hair, I put on my makeup, and by golly, I was ready to have this baby. My mom showed up around 3 pm and the doctor came in around 5:15 to check on me. My epideral had started to wear off, and the nurses had me pushing a couple times already. The doc was surprised to see that I was already to go, and told her poor son that he was gonna have to wait to get home.
The birthing process was nothing like I could ever imagine. I was having seizures throughout the whole process. I could hear what was going on around me, but I was unable to communicate. I understood the doctor's instructions and pushed and pushed. meanwhile, Ian's vitals were dropping and my blood pressure was in the stroke zone. I had about 30 people waiting outside my room praying and waiting for the miracle of this tiny little baby about to emerge. As I was laying there eyes rolled back, unable to speak, move, or communicate in anyway, I heard the doctor who was sitting down with my huband, while my mom held my one leg and a nurse Stacy held the other. The doctor said, I can't guarantee I can save either one of them. If I have to choose, who would you want me to save? Dale knowing my heart and desire to have a child knew I would say baby, but he also didn't think it would be fair to raise a baby without his mother. She said she's gong to try the forceps, but if that doesn't work, she was going to have to do an emergency c-section. Something about the word forceps made my brain go oh no you don't. So I took a deep breath, and without a contractions, I pushed this little person with a big head out. the cord was wrapped around his neck and because I wasn't having a contraction, I was only about 8 cm dialated, and his big head caused some major bleeding. the room fell silent as all focus went on to this little purple kid covered in white goo. The soc hand him over to the NICU nurses, so she could stitch me up and hopefully contol the bleeding. I was immediately put on a magnesium drip to reverse any damage that the seizures could have caused, and to drop my BP to a normal level. As I lay there half comatose, I still didn't hear the cry on my baby. Then a little sound came out of his tiny lungs, not a cry, but a sound that meant to say,"i am OK" They intially gave him a little oxygen, and cleaned him up. I got a quick kiss )thank you Bethany), and then they took him away. That was the last thing I remember until the next afternoon. The next afternoon, my mom helped me take a shower and then I was wheeled up to see my tiny little man. I cried when I saw him, tears of pain, joy, and just being completely overwhelmed and completely hormonal. I was blessed to see that my baby was the biggest baby in the Nicu, weighing in at 4 pounds 5 ounces. He had a heart monitor on him and a feeding tube.... no oxygen. I asked the nurse how his lungs were and she said that they were perfectly healthy, and didn't need any assistance... PTL! So I wasn't allowed to drive, so I stayed the 12 days at the hospital, spending everywaking moment with my baby. He had no sucking reflex, so he has been encouraged to try and use a binkie, a bottle and a boob (mine of course.) I nursed and pumped day in and day out. After one week in the NICU and a couple days under the Jaundice lights with his cool specs, he was put in the step down until. There I took over mommy job. There was more room, and I had a rocking chair. I had brought him in a couple onesies, and was feeding, changing, and rocking him to sleep. Then I would go to my room and pump so the nurses had something to feed him in the evenings after Dale came and got me. Around day 10 he started pulling out his feeding tube. So we left it out for a couple weeks and that day he took his first bottle, his first boob and his first pacifier. the nurse told me that if he can keep up the feedings for 24 hours, he could go home. Sure enough, April 1st, The whole family stayed in the hopsital in a special room set up for us, and spent our first night together. And April 2nd, we took our baby home.
When I walked in the house, I walked back to the baby's room, and much to my surprise, it was finished. My best friends had finished the room, and just how I would have done it! I cried all over again. I felt so surreal. We had our tiny baby boy who weighed exactly 5 pounds, and our kitties, a new puppy.
I went in the doctor's office at 4 weeks postnatal. She told me that she would never do that again, that I was the closest thing to a mortality that she had ever had. She strongly advised me not to have any more children. I shrugged it off, knowing that things change, and I knew we weren't even going to be thinking about having more kids for another year or so. but I did want to give Ian Robert a sibling.
At my 3 month checkup, my doctor didn't have good news. My kidneys took a beating during the course of my pregnancy. I was going to be put on Prednisone again, and see if that gave my kidneys a jumpstart. after 18 months, nothing. No increase or decrease in my numbers. So then I had to have a renal scan, no biggie, and then came a renal biopsy. The nurse told me I could go back to work the next day. Luckily I decided to err on the safe side and told them I would be back on Monday, giving me a good 4 days to recoup. Boy did I need those four days, plus some. It took me a good 2 weeks before I could get around without pain meds. The doctor who performed the renal biopsy said I was the most difficult biopsy that he had ever done. He had to go into the space between my two of my ribs. Then I tried to pee in a bed pan.... failure!
So as Ian was progressing through his milestones in his first year, mom was going through test after test to determine the type of kidney disease I had and if it was repairable, or even fixable... nope. I have what's called Glommerative Sclerosis. At this point my doctors told me going back to work was not an option. Which simply means my kidnys are dying off slowly. I also have a tumor on my adrenal glad, but it would be more hassle to pull it out than to leave it in there. It grows every year, so eventually I will need to get that removed, but with that I will probably need to get a transplant. no one is a match or donor material in my family, but there is a place in Maryland, that usues your one stem cells to make your organs, so we will look into that when the time comes.
Ian was determined to be 6 weeks early, and the pediatrician gave us the lecture about how he is going to be slightly delayed for a few years. By 4 months, Ian had started cutting teeth. He hated babyfood, and started getting picky about what he ate. By 6 months he was eating the same thing that Dale and I had, I just used my handy chopper to make it small enough for him to eat. By 10 months he has pulling hiself up, and by 11 months, he was walking. At 1 year of age, he still only weighed 16 pounds, so still pretty easy to tote around in the snuggly. We learned the hard way that he was allergic to dairy, tried to switch him to soy, that made him sick. He would not drink rice milk or almond Milk... So we tried Lactose free milk. Whole milk still caused him problems, but it seemed the fat free he could do. So now, that's all our family drinks.
By the time he was 2 years of age, we were amazed at how brilliant our son was. He would stck things up in oder of size and color, and had no problems with the shape sorters, and started showing interest in the potty. He had his own toddler bed because he figured out how to climb out of his crib. I had spent an entire afternoon screwing childproof stuff on all the cabinets... it took him less than 30 seconds to figure out how they worked. We also noticed he had quite the vocabulary. But we never babytalked to him, so we just figured he learned to talk from listening to us. He would rock himself to sleep with his blanket, and had a funny gait, which prevented him from running. I knew my something was different about my child, but I wasn't ready to hear that my son had a form of Autism. But he fit all the criteria except his ableness to speak (although a lot of it is scripted from movies) and the fact that he loved to be held and cuddled.
I knew from that point forward our lives would change.... however I never knew how they would change, and I wouldn't do it any different.
My doctor had told me to go to the hospital, straight to the hospital. I argued with her and told her I had to go home and get a few things and then I would be there. I was crying when I left and told my supervisor that the doctor told me I was done with work. And that she would call later or fax orders for me to have emergency leave. As I drove from San Luis to Nipomo, I called Bethany, Dale and my mom, and crying more and more with every phone call I made. I got home put a few things together, and Dale was waiting when I got there, and had grabbed my blanket and pillow and was ready to take me back up to San Luis to Sierra Vista. It was a holiday weekend, and we didn't get back to the hospital till almost 7 o'clock. 45 minutes after my doctor left. As I waddled up the third floor, I was rudely greeted by a nurse who told me to get in bed. As I tried to ask questions, she just shut me down and started strapping me up to all the monitors and had a phlebotomis ready to take my blood. By the time 9 o'clock came around, I was in tears again. the nurse came in and told me I had a severe case of Pre-eclampsia and if I don't settle down and get my blood pressure down, then my unborn child would be in grave danger, and so would I. So with that, I cried myself to sleep and Dale slipped out the room, only to return first thing in the morning. When he walked in, he didn't have to ask me how my night was, it was written all over my face.... I told them that the BP monitor went off every 15 minutes! How was I suppose to sleep when you just start to drift off and then feel like a python is wrapping around my arm every 15 minutes and the phlebotomis came in to take my blood at 5:30 in the morning. For those of you that know me.... I am not a morning person. Later that morning before my nazi nurse left, I asked her how long I would have to stay in this little room with the view of Murray St.? She bluntly told me that until that baby comes out, and that I was scheduled to view the Nicu later that day and that I was set up for Monday... I would be just shy of 25 weeks. I told her "oh no I am not!" I told Dale to get my cell phone and I called my Pastor's wife and explained to her what had gone on for the past 24 hours, and that I needed some of that powerful prayer stuff she had. Remember, I had only been going to church a few monthes, wasn't baptized yet, didn't even have alot of friends at church yet. She came up that afternoon, and prayed with us, and prayed that God would keep the baby safe and harbored in my belly for as long as he could grow. On Sunday, they re-ran my bloodwork and my doctor came in with my results, she said, I had bought myself 3 more days. In 3 days, we will re-run the tests and check your numbers again. I kept Debbie, my pastor's wife in tune with everything the doctor told me, and talked t0 my mom everyday, and had a loving husband that visited everyday, and a bestfriend that introduced me to the game of sequence which became a daily competion, that and Gin Rummy. I was blessed to have visitors, Sarah who gave me the best foot rub I could ever remember, and co-workers that thru me a bday party, and a church family and my own family that I know was praying for me. By the third day I was there, I had had enough. I was broken out in hives, I was tired of shots, and I still didn't understand why I couldn't do this at home. But as my nazi nurse finally showed her soft side at 3 am one morning, she hugged me and told me, it's not fair, it's not fun, but it is necessary. She sat and talked with me for over an hour, and we became the best of friends. Leslee would come in and watch TV with me during the late hours when I was up. She would bring me things from the cafeteria, and when the nurses did a food run, she would always ask me if there was something I wanted. When Lesslee wasn't there, I pretty much kept to myself and stayed in my room, with a few sneak outs down to the cafeteria or outside to the courtyard. Once I got caught, they put a wheelchair in my room and told me I was not to be walking around the hospital. So Bethany would take me for "rides" around the hospital. Every 3 days they would come in and take my blood at 5:30 in the morning, and every three days, the doctor would tell me I am stable enough to keep waiting. This went on for 40 days and 40 nights. When fianlly, the doctor came into my room in mid March, sat on my bed and told me, "it's time". I begged for her to wait til friday so my mom could be there (she had just started her new job and couldn't take a lot of time off). And I also liked Friday because it was the first day of spring, and his birthday would be 3-21. It just all flet right. My doctor relanctantly agreed. No more steroid shots, no more blood work, but I had one last hurdle to face. I needed an amniocenticies to check to see if his lungs were mature, and with that came a new Ultrasound. Dr. Cedars is an awesome doctor and was so nice and calmed my nerves about this 18 inch long going into my stomach. I asked a lot of questions, and he told me I just had to trust him, and that I could watch everything on the monitor. Dale couldn't watch... a little too much for his stomach to handle. He pulled out a vial full of cloudy liquid and with a puzzled look on his face he said, I will have to send it to the lab to confirm anything. The results came back with his lungs underdeveloped. So what did this mean? Well, My kidneys were on the verge of complete shutdown, my blood pressure was dangerously high, so the doctor said she had no choice and that he would be on a respirator until he could breath on his own. On Thursday evening, the doctor gave me a cervix softner, and I am pretty sure she stripped my membranes. She told me not to expect anything but maybe a little discomfort. By 11 pm that evening, I was pacing in my little room and laid my head in Dale's lap, gabbing his jeans with my teeth. I was in a little more than a "little" discomfort, I was haveing contractions. The night nurse... not Leslee, never put me on the monitors, and gave me a pain med and a sedative which let me sleep for about 4 hours. Then I was up again, in more pain. I couldn't have sworn that child was digging his way out. My doctor came in at 6 am and immediately wooked me up to all the monitors and went "whoa... You are in full Labor, however I was only 2 cm and about 50 % afaced." She said it would be a few more hours, but told me to call my mom now, or she was going to miss it. My mom had her stuff in the car and tracked down my step dad and they were on their 5 hour trip down. For 40 days I had made fun of the screaming women and would yell from my room, take the drugs! Now I was the screaming woman.... begging for something to ease the pain. As Bethany will tell you I sounded like a wounded animal as she came down the hallway. They had moved me to the room next door, because it was bigger, and I was going to have my hubby, my mother in law, my mom, Mark was filming from over my shoulder, Bethany had a stright on view, the doctor and a NICU crew since they didn't think he would be breathing. I had 17 people in this room, and frankly I didn't care. I got my new room and sat down on the bed just to have for my water to break. That sent Dale into a frenzy into the hall. I was perfectly calm, I just felt bad since they just changed the bed a few hours earlier. Once I got settled, it was close to 11am and my epideral had arrived. I don't remember the epideral, probably because it made me feel so much better than the contrations I was having. They put me on pitocin to SLOW my contractions down, but as soon as that medicine hit my blood stream, the baby's heartrate dropped. So no more Pitocin. I was going to have to progress on my own. I could only feel one leg, so walking was outta the question, so they did some exercises in bed and I kept getting flipped. I brushed my hair, I put on my makeup, and by golly, I was ready to have this baby. My mom showed up around 3 pm and the doctor came in around 5:15 to check on me. My epideral had started to wear off, and the nurses had me pushing a couple times already. The doc was surprised to see that I was already to go, and told her poor son that he was gonna have to wait to get home.
The birthing process was nothing like I could ever imagine. I was having seizures throughout the whole process. I could hear what was going on around me, but I was unable to communicate. I understood the doctor's instructions and pushed and pushed. meanwhile, Ian's vitals were dropping and my blood pressure was in the stroke zone. I had about 30 people waiting outside my room praying and waiting for the miracle of this tiny little baby about to emerge. As I was laying there eyes rolled back, unable to speak, move, or communicate in anyway, I heard the doctor who was sitting down with my huband, while my mom held my one leg and a nurse Stacy held the other. The doctor said, I can't guarantee I can save either one of them. If I have to choose, who would you want me to save? Dale knowing my heart and desire to have a child knew I would say baby, but he also didn't think it would be fair to raise a baby without his mother. She said she's gong to try the forceps, but if that doesn't work, she was going to have to do an emergency c-section. Something about the word forceps made my brain go oh no you don't. So I took a deep breath, and without a contractions, I pushed this little person with a big head out. the cord was wrapped around his neck and because I wasn't having a contraction, I was only about 8 cm dialated, and his big head caused some major bleeding. the room fell silent as all focus went on to this little purple kid covered in white goo. The soc hand him over to the NICU nurses, so she could stitch me up and hopefully contol the bleeding. I was immediately put on a magnesium drip to reverse any damage that the seizures could have caused, and to drop my BP to a normal level. As I lay there half comatose, I still didn't hear the cry on my baby. Then a little sound came out of his tiny lungs, not a cry, but a sound that meant to say,"i am OK" They intially gave him a little oxygen, and cleaned him up. I got a quick kiss )thank you Bethany), and then they took him away. That was the last thing I remember until the next afternoon. The next afternoon, my mom helped me take a shower and then I was wheeled up to see my tiny little man. I cried when I saw him, tears of pain, joy, and just being completely overwhelmed and completely hormonal. I was blessed to see that my baby was the biggest baby in the Nicu, weighing in at 4 pounds 5 ounces. He had a heart monitor on him and a feeding tube.... no oxygen. I asked the nurse how his lungs were and she said that they were perfectly healthy, and didn't need any assistance... PTL! So I wasn't allowed to drive, so I stayed the 12 days at the hospital, spending everywaking moment with my baby. He had no sucking reflex, so he has been encouraged to try and use a binkie, a bottle and a boob (mine of course.) I nursed and pumped day in and day out. After one week in the NICU and a couple days under the Jaundice lights with his cool specs, he was put in the step down until. There I took over mommy job. There was more room, and I had a rocking chair. I had brought him in a couple onesies, and was feeding, changing, and rocking him to sleep. Then I would go to my room and pump so the nurses had something to feed him in the evenings after Dale came and got me. Around day 10 he started pulling out his feeding tube. So we left it out for a couple weeks and that day he took his first bottle, his first boob and his first pacifier. the nurse told me that if he can keep up the feedings for 24 hours, he could go home. Sure enough, April 1st, The whole family stayed in the hopsital in a special room set up for us, and spent our first night together. And April 2nd, we took our baby home.
When I walked in the house, I walked back to the baby's room, and much to my surprise, it was finished. My best friends had finished the room, and just how I would have done it! I cried all over again. I felt so surreal. We had our tiny baby boy who weighed exactly 5 pounds, and our kitties, a new puppy.
I went in the doctor's office at 4 weeks postnatal. She told me that she would never do that again, that I was the closest thing to a mortality that she had ever had. She strongly advised me not to have any more children. I shrugged it off, knowing that things change, and I knew we weren't even going to be thinking about having more kids for another year or so. but I did want to give Ian Robert a sibling.
At my 3 month checkup, my doctor didn't have good news. My kidneys took a beating during the course of my pregnancy. I was going to be put on Prednisone again, and see if that gave my kidneys a jumpstart. after 18 months, nothing. No increase or decrease in my numbers. So then I had to have a renal scan, no biggie, and then came a renal biopsy. The nurse told me I could go back to work the next day. Luckily I decided to err on the safe side and told them I would be back on Monday, giving me a good 4 days to recoup. Boy did I need those four days, plus some. It took me a good 2 weeks before I could get around without pain meds. The doctor who performed the renal biopsy said I was the most difficult biopsy that he had ever done. He had to go into the space between my two of my ribs. Then I tried to pee in a bed pan.... failure!
So as Ian was progressing through his milestones in his first year, mom was going through test after test to determine the type of kidney disease I had and if it was repairable, or even fixable... nope. I have what's called Glommerative Sclerosis. At this point my doctors told me going back to work was not an option. Which simply means my kidnys are dying off slowly. I also have a tumor on my adrenal glad, but it would be more hassle to pull it out than to leave it in there. It grows every year, so eventually I will need to get that removed, but with that I will probably need to get a transplant. no one is a match or donor material in my family, but there is a place in Maryland, that usues your one stem cells to make your organs, so we will look into that when the time comes.
Ian was determined to be 6 weeks early, and the pediatrician gave us the lecture about how he is going to be slightly delayed for a few years. By 4 months, Ian had started cutting teeth. He hated babyfood, and started getting picky about what he ate. By 6 months he was eating the same thing that Dale and I had, I just used my handy chopper to make it small enough for him to eat. By 10 months he has pulling hiself up, and by 11 months, he was walking. At 1 year of age, he still only weighed 16 pounds, so still pretty easy to tote around in the snuggly. We learned the hard way that he was allergic to dairy, tried to switch him to soy, that made him sick. He would not drink rice milk or almond Milk... So we tried Lactose free milk. Whole milk still caused him problems, but it seemed the fat free he could do. So now, that's all our family drinks.
By the time he was 2 years of age, we were amazed at how brilliant our son was. He would stck things up in oder of size and color, and had no problems with the shape sorters, and started showing interest in the potty. He had his own toddler bed because he figured out how to climb out of his crib. I had spent an entire afternoon screwing childproof stuff on all the cabinets... it took him less than 30 seconds to figure out how they worked. We also noticed he had quite the vocabulary. But we never babytalked to him, so we just figured he learned to talk from listening to us. He would rock himself to sleep with his blanket, and had a funny gait, which prevented him from running. I knew my something was different about my child, but I wasn't ready to hear that my son had a form of Autism. But he fit all the criteria except his ableness to speak (although a lot of it is scripted from movies) and the fact that he loved to be held and cuddled.
I knew from that point forward our lives would change.... however I never knew how they would change, and I wouldn't do it any different.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
before their were 3.
I had already written hours of material for my blog, but it has disappeared in the midst of my hard drive. So I am going to start over. If you find the original, it will probably be more interesting, but I am going to do the best I can about recollecting information that has sat dormant in my brain for 7 years. With my current conditions and possibly haveing brain surgery in the next few months, I never know what info is going to be lost forever. So here goes....
It was June of 2002 when my Best friend Bethany had invited me to church. My marriage was in shambles, my health was failing and I was depressed beyond what anyone could ever imagine. I had sucessfully cleaned myself of Meth and Pot, and was no longer binge drinking. But that wasn't enough, my heart was not satisfied, so that is why I agreed to go to church, I figure it couldn't hurt.
I had planned on going without my husband, who was totally against the whole church thing, but at the last minute, he jumped in the car with me, there was no way he was going to miss anything. That morning, Debbie Rivera introduced herself as the pastors wife. She gave me a big hug and asked me a simple question, "why did I decide to come today?" I had told her about my health issues, I had told her about my crumbling marriage, and I told her that I had had 3 miscariages, and I just longed to have a child of my own. So right then and there, she laid her hands on me, and prayed. I just went along with it and prayed with her, and to Jesus.
In July, Bethany had our last night of fun, no more bad habits, and that was it... cold turkey. In August, my mom had decided to follow her husbands dreams, and move up to the mountains by Yosemite. We took the week off and helped her pack up and move. It was 106 degrees outside and the living area of her house was all upstairs. As I carried up 80 pounds of wood pellets, I got to the top of the stairs and passed out. My step dad being an EMT, helped get me into a bed and put cold wet towels all over me. I was suffering from heat stroke, and the nearest hospital was almost an hour away. When I came to, my mom was sitting on my bed with a cool wash cloth on my forehead. She asked me if I was pregnant, and I said, "no, I restart the fertility treatments on Monday". But I was sick for the next couple days, couldn't keep anything down and had a hard time keeping cool, so Dale and I left early to return to our Nipomo house. The following Monday, I was supposed to see my doc to start the treatments, but I had to pee on a stick first. By golly....I was Preggo! I sought Dale out an asked him if he was ready to be a daddy,a nd he nonchalantly said yes, and then after a few seconds, screamed it yes, and picked me up and squeezed me. Even though I was only 5 weeks pregnant, and my other 3 miscarriages had been between 9-12 weeks, this one was different. We felt so much peace about this little child that God had given us to raise and nurture.......
It was June of 2002 when my Best friend Bethany had invited me to church. My marriage was in shambles, my health was failing and I was depressed beyond what anyone could ever imagine. I had sucessfully cleaned myself of Meth and Pot, and was no longer binge drinking. But that wasn't enough, my heart was not satisfied, so that is why I agreed to go to church, I figure it couldn't hurt.
I had planned on going without my husband, who was totally against the whole church thing, but at the last minute, he jumped in the car with me, there was no way he was going to miss anything. That morning, Debbie Rivera introduced herself as the pastors wife. She gave me a big hug and asked me a simple question, "why did I decide to come today?" I had told her about my health issues, I had told her about my crumbling marriage, and I told her that I had had 3 miscariages, and I just longed to have a child of my own. So right then and there, she laid her hands on me, and prayed. I just went along with it and prayed with her, and to Jesus.
In July, Bethany had our last night of fun, no more bad habits, and that was it... cold turkey. In August, my mom had decided to follow her husbands dreams, and move up to the mountains by Yosemite. We took the week off and helped her pack up and move. It was 106 degrees outside and the living area of her house was all upstairs. As I carried up 80 pounds of wood pellets, I got to the top of the stairs and passed out. My step dad being an EMT, helped get me into a bed and put cold wet towels all over me. I was suffering from heat stroke, and the nearest hospital was almost an hour away. When I came to, my mom was sitting on my bed with a cool wash cloth on my forehead. She asked me if I was pregnant, and I said, "no, I restart the fertility treatments on Monday". But I was sick for the next couple days, couldn't keep anything down and had a hard time keeping cool, so Dale and I left early to return to our Nipomo house. The following Monday, I was supposed to see my doc to start the treatments, but I had to pee on a stick first. By golly....I was Preggo! I sought Dale out an asked him if he was ready to be a daddy,a nd he nonchalantly said yes, and then after a few seconds, screamed it yes, and picked me up and squeezed me. Even though I was only 5 weeks pregnant, and my other 3 miscarriages had been between 9-12 weeks, this one was different. We felt so much peace about this little child that God had given us to raise and nurture.......
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